bakwaas band karo

It was not a usual Saturday in many ways. The previous night was my last at Doloi Chuba (a small village in Morigaon district of Assam) and also the last night of 2009. I woke up early in the morning to bathe in the biting cold water of January and with a cluttering teeth took my baggage and out of the room bidding a bye to my parents. I had to take the 11 am flight from Guwahati for Kolkata and here I was some 100 miles away from the airport shivering in the barren cold.

Knocking the half-open door of Tiwari sir (who taught Physics at the institute my dad taught Mathematics) who lived across the road of the teacher’s colony I said, “Am ready. We can move out, else we will be late.” He was supposed to accompany me till the airport and then continue his journey to visit the Kamakhya temple at Guwahati, perhaps the most important Shaktipeetha amongst all.

“Am almost done” came the reply as I saw him doing his final round of prayers and getting hold of his bag where he kept a diary, a few papers and some shabby clothes.”

The morning was biting cold and by the time we got out on the street it was around six and foggy. It was a remote village so we had to walk for a mile to get an auto that would take us to Morigaon, the nearest town where from we had to take a train to Guwahati. The wheels of my luggage bag made an eerie noise and disturbed the ducks in their slumber and woke the water lilies up but I had to hurry. Whenever I turned back I saw Tiwari ji miles behind me and I had to say, “Please, hurry up or we will miss the train” to which he just returned a smile and paced with his usual speed saying, “You young men worry for no reason. We have enough time.”

We reached the auto station only to find it empty. I looked around with my eagle eyes but saw nothing around and got impatient. Tiwari ji quipped back in time, “Don’t worry. You will reach in time. So tell me why UPSC and not MBA?”

I was definitely in no mood to answer him that but nonetheless I replied, “Everyone does MBA Tiwari ji. There must be someone who does UPSC. Moreover, I have immense knack for acquiring knowledge and that gives me the push to become a civil servant.”

The wait for the auto was getting a little longer and I started showing signs of nerve. I couldn’t miss my flight for the riches of the world. I had to take a day’s rest and attend office from Monday. Suddenly from nowhere, out of the thick blanket of white fog came an auto, devoured us and sped off to Morigaon. I heaved a sigh of relief but Tiwari ji, so ever cool, continued, “Even I had appeared for the exams. Not once but twice but couldn’t pull through. I was good enough but you know not all are equally lucky.” While I was wondering if the auto would reach the station in time Tiwari ji was all about how good he was. I smiled back and said, “That’s so cool.”

I got down the auto and rushed towards the station only to find the engines rolling. Tiwari ji walked laggardly towards the ticket counter and told me, “You get up. I will be in the train with the tickets.” Knowing very well that if I missed the train I would miss the flight too I got up with the assurance that I had enough money to pay as a fine to the TTE just in case Tiwari ji couldn’t get aboard with the tickets but he saved me of that embarrassment.

It was already 8 in the morning and I knew it well that the train will take another hour to reach Guwahati. So even if I consider one and a half hours, I reach Guwahati by 9.30 am and then a taxi should take me to the airport within another 30 minutes, so I should be at the airport by 10 am. I very well knew that I had to reach at least half an hour before the scheduled departure of my flight. I was panic ridden considering the half an hour margin between my calculation and the time by which I should be at the airport and every time the train delayed its stay at the station a million abuses came out of my mouth. Amidst the tension and the calculation Tiwari ji poked in, “You never asked where I am from!”

“I would have but you were sleeping like a log so I thought to ask only after you wake up.”

“Ok! Never mind. I am from Kanpur. It’s an amazing city. Have you been there? I did my preparation for UPSC from a different city though. I have lived in Allahabad, Lucknow, Jaipur, Rewa…”

I gave a glance to the time shown on my phone and it was already 9.15 am and the train had already halted for the last 20 minutes or so. My heart beat was abnormally high but Tiwari ji was in no mood to stop. Sensing the nerve on my face he said, “You worry a lot. You will reach in time.” I just felt like punching his face flat but wasn’t I supposed to be respectful of seniors so I kept quiet and blasted the train with every possible expletive I knew.

I thanked my stars when the train finally started but the radio by the name of Tiwari ji was on “..I did my schooling from Nainital. It’s an amazing place. My first job was in the Ordnance factory in Barrackpore. So you see, I have been to Kolkata also and over there..”

Finally the train reached Guwahati at 9.45 pm and I hurried out to catch the taxi but Tiwari ji said, “No, it will charge too much. We will take a bus instead.” I felt like stabbing him to death and reasoned with him, “Tiwari ji. I have to reach airport within the next forty five minutes at the most and if I don’t I will miss the flight.”

“You have enough time. The airport isn’t far away. It should hardly take fifteen minutes and we will save money in the process” and saying so he marched ahead. I had to follow him with my bag still making the creepy noise from its wheel.

A few steps gone we asked a lady, “Where do we get the bus for the airport.”

“Oh! Airport! Which flight and what time? My younger brother has also left right now. He has to go to Mumbai and it’s already late but ..”

Why was only I supposed to get the most idiotic of people around me? I took a rickshaw and told him, “Take me to the bus stop where the bus for the airport leaves.” Tiwari ji was all smiles.

“So, where have you done your schooling from? Which are your favorite subjects? This is my number. Feel free to call whenever you need any solution of any kind.”

All this while my heart was skipping many a beats and he was his usual idiotic self. I surely felt like pushing him off from the rickshaw but just didn’t. The rickshaw approached a flyover saying, “The bus stop is right after we cross it” but he was stopped by a traffic sergeant who said, “Today no rickshaws on the flyover. Some minister will pass right now.”

We surely had no plan to cross the flyover on foot. I was mighty pissed off and got down and despite repeated pleas to let the rickshaw go the sergeant turned a deaf ear. Tiwari ji said again, “Where are you planning to do your preparation for your exams. Certainly not in Kolkata I assume.” This was height, here I was stranded in the middle of a road not knowing what to do and he was his usual crazy self and quipped again, “Don’t worry. We will take a bus to cross the flyover.”

We ran behind a passing bus approaching the flyover and no sooner we got into it, it changed its direction for some other route. We hurried to get down and looked for an alternative. I looked at my phone. It was already 10 am and seeing the matter gone all wrong I said, “Tiwari ji, I don’t know. I will pay for the taxi but I am now going to hire one.”

“You waste so much money. Wait for a while. You will get a bus for the airport very soon.”

“I will miss the plane Tiwari ji” I said holding my anger and dragging my luggage bag walked towards a taxi.

“How far is the airport from here?”

“Some 20 km.”

“How long will it take?”

“Some 45 minutes, assuming there would be no traffic jam.”

I was numb for a while but collecting my sense I told him, “You can take 50 bucks extra but run your car as fast as possible but I need to reach the airport in 30 minutes sharp.”

“No problem sir. You just sit down and pray.”

Tiwari ji was the first to get in the taxi. The roads were thankfully empty but at every signal my heart beat stopped. What If there is a traffic jam? What if the tire punctures? A million questions hit my head hard but I continued praying. Opening his diary Tiwari ji said, “See, these are some of the most important notes I had made. I have still kept them preserved. You should have this kind of dedication. UPSC is not for the..” I swore to the gods if he spoke a minute more I would break his skull and drink all the blood he has. How could he be so mad and lifeless?

“History is one fascinating subject but I liked Geography better. I just love studying about..”

It was 10.25 am and when I saw the arrow signs of the airport I got some relief. The car got me down at the airport gates exactly at 10.30 am as promised and I was just short of kissing the driver’s head. I gave him 450 bucks and continued on my way. Tiwari ji said, “You go inside, finish off with the formalities and come out. There is still something to say. I will give you tips on how to choose your subject judiciously.”

I was happy for sure and I said, “Yes Tiwari ji. I will go and will be back in a jiffy after I get my boarding pass.”

I entered and in the excitement of having reached the airport just on time I had all this while forgotten that this would be my first plane travel and I had to made exquisite plans on how to impress the air-hostess and the receptionists but the constant smile on my face did win me the war. The receptionist was impressed and asked me, “Anything fragile in the bag sir?”

“Yeah! My heart” I said to myself.

“No, nothing” I said out loud and went ahead for the security check-up.

I remembered Tiwari ji must be waiting outside but I said to myself, “Let the goblin rot in the sun for all the bakwaas he did and for all the brain he ate” and I continued towards the boarding gate.

Within the next three hours my plane safely landed in Kolkata and the first thing I did was to call my dad, “I will kill that Tiwari ji if I see him again.”